Still Day 2

12:35 pm: Ok, I didn't make it. At around 9:45am I started feeling the "fuzz" and dizziness in my head. You know the feeling; kinda like you're floating away from your body but still connected in a nightmarish way. I kept thinking, I have to go to church at 11:30am. Ok, I can do this. By 10am while I was still saying I can do this, I was in the kitchen swallowing those 3 pills yet again. I felt low and as if I failed. But in the next second I told myself- no I'm not! This is bigger than me and this stuff is in my system. But if I can get off of Ativan, I can get off EXR. I took two sips of OJ and a bite of a banana. I hurridely ran to the shower praying that the water would wash the "fuzz" and confusion in my head away...